It was about three in the morning, and I wasn’t getting any sleep. So, I decided to go for a walk. Seemed like a better way to spend a sleepless night than just sitting in my apartment.
I bundled up and walked down to the river. There were some drunk guys shouting at each other a couple blocks away. I couldn’t hear what they were shouting about, and it wasn’t long before they quieted down, and I had walked far enough that I couldn’t hear them anymore.
I found myself at the base of the train bridge that went over the river. There was a long walk up some stairs to the bridge itself. I didn’t have anything better to do, so I climbed up to the top through the howling wind and snow.
Once I got there, I started to walk across. The bridge had a platform beside the tracks that you could walk over. I don’t know how much it got used in the winter, but in the summer there were always lots of people on it. In the winter, it was a fairly hard slog. But I did get a view of downtown. Watching the buildings through the snow was peaceful.
I looked ahead and saw that there was a train coming. I could see the light on the front of it, and I could hear the noise as it came toward me. I had never intended to be up there when a train came across. I thought about trying to get back down off the bridge again, but I knew I was too far out from the stairs. And I figured trying to make a run in the snow would be much more dangerous than just standing still and waiting for it to pass.
So, I braced myself against the side rails, and decided to just stay there. There were parts of the platform that were wider and gave people a kind of lookout point. I took one of those, and just settled into one of the corners.
As the train drew closer, I began thinking that I had made a terrible mistake. Though it also occurred to me that if it was really unsafe, they probably would have just closed the thing. And again, I just knew that trying to get back to the beginning would be more nerve wracking than just standing still and letting it pass.
As it went by, I forced myself to turn toward it and watch. It was moving fast, screaming and groaning the whole time. I didn’t want to look, but it seemed important that I do so.
When I did, I found the blur of the graffiti and scream of the wheels on the tracks surprisingly soothing. Everything was moving so fast in front of my eyes that it was a little meditative. I couldn’t focus on anything, and I found that to be a pleasant relief.
After it passed, I started walking back towards the staircase so I could get back down to the street. When I reached the stairs, I couldn’t help smiling to myself a little. I felt like I’d really achieved something, though all I’d really managed to do was stand still. But it felt like an accomplishment, and I felt a bit of pride.